48 Hours

It has been a long two days. I've been a bit overdue for my annual cancer checkup, which involves some invasive and altogether unpleasant medical procedures, so today was the day. The actual day is not that bad; once I'm at the hospital and hooked up to an IV, the worst is pretty much over. When I awaken, I know I'll be able to eat again, to breathe easier that another year has passed and with luck, put more distance between the time I wasn't so lucky.

Except that today, the worst wasn't over. When I awoke after the procedure, I was in terrible pain. Awful. And I'm not a wimp about pain so when I say it hurt, it hurt. It took hours for the pain to subside to a point where I wasn't wincing every time I changed position, and even now, over twelve hours later, I get an occasional stab just under my breastbone. My doctor also found a new polyp, this one much higher in my colon, which was removed and will be biopsied. He didn't seem too worried about it; he told me and my husband that it was "tiny," unlike the huge mass he found five years ago. I'll know the results in a couple weeks. I have a lot of work to keep me busy so I plan to distract myself. Another clue that he's not too concerned it'll come back positive is that he's pushing my next checkup to three years instead of one. That's great news!

The one thing that sucks about cancer is that even with a good outcome, it may be out of your body but it's always there in the back of your mind. My risks for another diagnosis are higher than someone who hasn't had that diagnosis. I do remind myself that my grandmother had colon cancer in her 70s and lived to be 100 and it wasn't cancer that got her, but old age. Every time something goes wrong with my digestive system, I wonder if I've got another tumor growing in there. It's hard to know when to relax or when I should be on it.

I was feeling too bad afterwards, so my husband brought me home to sleep it off best I could, then we went out later for food. I hadn't eaten in two days, and all I wanted was miso soup and California rolls. We have a fantastic Japanese restaurant in town, so we enjoyed an early dinner then brought take-out home for our son. The food hit the spot, the perfect meeting between what my tastebuds craved and my stomach wanted.

On the ride home, we were talking about the weather and I mentioned to him how I was looking forward to fall because it was "knitting season." He said, "Sweetie, with you every day is knitting season." Hahahaha! Not quite true -- I prefer sewing more in the summer, but I do always keep something going on my needles year 'round, mostly socks. But for the past week or two, I've found myself trolling Ravelry more. I think I need more shawls. I used to enjoy knitting shawls but felt they didn't mesh well with my style so I stopped. When we were in Germany this summer, though, I got a lot of use out of my Pebble Beach shawl -- I used it to block the sun on my shoulders during a day-long boat trip, as well as a garment to keep me warm at night. So I think I'll focus on making a few new shawls this winter -- they certainly are quite handy!