Dear Jeremy Irons,
I read, with interest, an editorial in the Daily Mail that claimed you'd said patting a woman on the behind was "communication ... can't we be friendly?" It was my understanding that the behind wouldn't necessarily belong to your spouse or partner, but to a woman whose behind was, shall we say, worthy of communication.
Not quite believing that you'd promoted such a flirty viewpoint, I poked around the Web and read that Salon, the Telegraph, and the Sydney Morning Herald have also reported on your cheeky ways.
I, too, like a sexy, rounded tush, although of the male variety. So many times while riding the T, I've had to use every ounce of self control to prevent my hand from reaching out to express a little friendliness with a bottom I find oh-so-squeezable.
It's nice to know that should we ever be in a room together, you -- or your minders -- won't care if my hand meanders over to your heinie for a nice squeeze. You'll know I'm just being friendly.
p.s. Loved you in Reversal of Fortune. "You have no idea" is a favorite line around here.